What You Should Know About Trauma Bonding

Many people can identify with some aspects of trauma bonding, even if they are not aware of the term. We have all had a friend who stays in a toxic relationship or even experienced a co-dependency with an abusive ex-partner ourselves. These negative bonds between people can easily be misconstrued as true love worth fighting for at all costs. After all, we’ve all grown up hearing fairytales entrenched in hardship.

What Trauma Bonding Means

Such toxic and unhealthy relationships may seem normal to those in them, while the relationship appears incomprehensible to outsiders. These toxic relationships may be a type of “trauma bonding.” Trauma bonding is when a person connects with another person to fix something inside of them that is unresolved. 

These issues may be unmet expectations, unresolved hurt, a neglected childhood, or any other situation that had a profoundly negative impact. Essentially, a person operates in the current relationship while letting past experiences determine actions. 

Negative Experience Trauma Bonding

Trauma bonding can also happen due to experiencing extreme situations and feelings with another person. Just as happy and loving times bond people together, extremely negative experiences can also bond people in an unhealthy way. Trauma bonding can occur in various types of relationships, not only in romantic relationships or partnerships. 

Examples of this type of trauma bonding can be a relationship between an abuser and their victim, a child and an abusive caregiver, the leader, and cult members. 

How Trauma Bonding Can Affect A Relationship

If someone is experiencing trauma bonding due to unresolved negative experiences, their relationship will be affected in many ways. A person may project their emotions such as anger, insecurity, or fear on their partner or others. Such projections often lead to blame games and frequent shutdowns as the unhealthy bond leaves little room for reasoning and acceptance. 

Breaking Free From Trauma Bonding

To break free from the cycle of trauma bonding, one must internalize that their past baggage doesn’t have to negatively impact their present and future relationships. Through the professional guidance of a trauma therapist and self-work, a person can decrease their emotional dependency on their past negative experiences and learn to approach relationships more healthily. 

Experiencing trauma changes people in many ways. If you feel your past trauma is negatively impacting your life, a professional trauma therapist can help you finally break free from the effects of your experiences.