The Toll of Emotionally Abusive Relationships

Emotional abuse can be hard to notice from the outside. We can easily see the signs of physical abuse as they often leave lasting bruises and visible scars. However, a relationship that involves emotional abuse may worsen over time and leave the victim questioning their reality. There is often a pattern to emotional abuse, and it usually consists of a combination of manipulating a person with control tactics and using a person's fear against them.

Control

A relationship in which one person is under the control of another is not healthy. Sometimes, a person's control over another is quite overt. The abuser may clearly state what their partner is allowed to do, where they are allowed to go, allowed to wear, or allowed to eat. Often the control is more covert than this. Emotional abusers may use criticism, guilt, and shame to control what their partner does. For example, a partner might belittle your sense of responsibility, therefore, making themselves the sole decision-maker in the relationship. Sometimes a partner might intentionally upset the other person to shame them for their reaction.

Isolation

To adequately possess control over a person emotionally, an abuser often seeks to isolate the person. A victim may be separated from other people they're close to, and they may also be isolated from the activities that make them feel good about themselves. Once again, isolation may be achieved by overt orders. An abuser can also use manipulation tactics such as belittling their partner's friends and family to erode their relationship. You may find that a partner has simply taken up all of your time, leaving you no time for other people or activities.

Fear

A person in an emotionally abusive relationship is often in fear. They may be afraid to go against their partner's wishes for fear of verbal abuse. This may involve yelling, name-calling and criticism. Your partner may be tuned into those deep fears within you, such as your worries about how other people perceive you and use them against you to control your behavior. One of the most painful punishments is the withholding of affection. When one partner wants to discuss problems in the relationship, the emotionally abusive partner may trivialize their concerns, telling them that they're making a problem out of nothing.

Lasting Effects

If you're in the midst of a relationship like this, you may be feeling confused, afraid, hopeless, and ashamed. Mental abuse can make people question their reality and whether they're crazy for feeling that the situation is problematic. You may also be experiencing brain fog and stress that makes your daily activities difficult such as anxiety symptoms, psychosomatic pain, and low self-esteem. Emotional abuse can also cause persistent and prolonged symptoms of trauma, such as with PTSD or CPTSD.

Consider setting boundaries or breaking away from a relationship involving emotional abuse. Practice self-care with exercise, reaching out to loved ones, getting active again, eating a healthy diet, and prioritizing your rest. Talk therapy is an excellent option for moving past the pain of an emotionally abusive relationship. As a Certified Trauma Therapist, I know the disruption that these experiences can cause to the mind, body, and spirit. Contact me so that I can help you to make sense of the past and move forward with your healing.